i need an iv and a liver transplant
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
