its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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