Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
