I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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