if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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