I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
