Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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