I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
