TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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