he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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