if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
