My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
