i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
