I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
