so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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