just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
