theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
