I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Panties = found
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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