She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
