My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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