I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
