My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
