Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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