I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
