So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
