Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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