I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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