Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
