Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
