U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
