i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
