They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
