i already hear my dad disowning me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
