My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
