so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
