He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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