Can i not drive my cunt home
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
