I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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