Will you blow on my dice?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
