a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
