remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
