Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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