can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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