Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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