Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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