Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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