That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The Olympian is in my bed
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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