hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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