Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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