What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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