The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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