I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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