Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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