She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
