I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
