your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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