Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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