Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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