Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
