That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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