Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize