how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
