i just had sex bonerless
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
