Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
