She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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