The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
