i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
