Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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