This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
