i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
