Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
