I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
